The Cost of Absolution
by PenPatronus
Summary: The angel Joshua has decided to help Dean free Castiel from the Leviathans. Will Dean save Cass before it's too late? AU of season 7, written directly after episode 1, "Meet the New Boss" but before episode 2, "Hello Cruel World." Hurt/comfort, angst.
1. The Cavalry

**Summary: **The angel Joshua has decided to help Dean free Castiel from the Leviathans. Will Dean save Cass before it's too late? AU of season 7, written directly after episode 1, "Meet the New Boss" but before episode 2, "Hello Cruel World." Hurt / comfort, angst, family.

**The Cost of Absolution  
><strong>PenPatronus  
>Chapter 1 of 4<br>**The Cavalry**

"This is going to be fun."

The Leviathan, wearing Castiel's face, speaking with his voice, walking forward on his legs, approached with a grin that was so wide it looked painful. Dean Winchester picked himself up slowly. He didn't bother shaking the dirt off his sleeves or wiping the blood off of his cheek. He didn't speak. Dean stood tall with his legs shoulder length apart, his shoulders rolled back, his chin up and his eyes saying in their own language, I Am Not Afraid. The Leviathan chuckled deep in Cass' stomach and then raised his palms. Dean closed his eyes and hoped that Sam was safe.

"The Leviathans were the first beings God ever created," said a new voice. Dean peeked through his eyelids and saw an African American man standing in front of him. "They were also the first beings to have free will. But, as you know, they were powerful. In fact, God created them to be almost equals. Their power was almost as strong as his, and they had free will to do with it as they pleased. They turned out to be a big mistake. After that, when God created angels, man, everything else, he was careful to never give anything as much power as he gave the Leviathans."

"Joshua," Dean whispered. He noticed that his fists were clenched and he relaxed them.

The angel's brown eyes were sad and tired. "Hello again, Dean. God – the true God – sends his regards."

Dean swallowed air and re-fisted his hands. "His regards. Right." The elder Winchester looked around and to his even greater surprise, spotted Atropos the Fate standing behind Castiel's shoulder. She glared at him through blonde bangs and thick glasses. Everything and everyone in the room was _frozen_ in time. Dean even saw a drop of blood that had started to drip off the wall and stopped before it hit the floor. The Leviathan was frozen in mid-cackle.

Joshua folded his hands in front of him and stepped forward. Dean could see his wings. They were larger than any set he had ever seen on an angel. "Dean," he said softly, like a father coaxing a child, "don't be afraid. We're here to help."

Suddenly the room was full of angels. There were dozens of them – maybe a hundred – men and women in suits and heels with their hands on their hips and their shadowy wings twitching nervously. Bobby's frozen body was lost in the crowd.

"You're about five minutes too late," Dean announced. He released an abrupt laugh. "In fact I could have used your help just thirty seconds ago…"

Joshua pressed his lips together so tight that they briefly turned pink. "I assure you, we got here as fast as we could once God gave us the go ahead. I tried to bring more of my brothers and sisters with me but since Castiel ingested those souls, many angels have gone into hiding."

"So, what now?" Dean held his hands out, palms up, in supplication. "Are we going to have a picnic? Play a little Parcheesi? You just told me that these Leviathan guys are nearly as strong as God so obviously we don't stand a chance. Once again God's too little, too late."

Joshua stood eye to eye with Dean. "The Fates can only freeze this dimension for a limited amount of time, so I will make this quick," he snapped. "You must merge with the vessel and find Castiel, assuming he's not dead," said Joshua. "We will hold off the Leviathans for as long as we can. Once you find Castiel you must restore his strength. Only he can leash the Leviathans, separate them from this dimension and send them back to Purgatory. Because Castiel and the Leviathans are one, he has their strength."

Dean slowly shook his head. "Merge? Find him? Restore his strength?" He wiped his palm down his face. "You know, this is one of those moments when I wish I'd never been born."

Joshua stepped aside and gestured to Castiel's frozen form. "Simply walk into him as if you intend to go through a door. We're not sure what it will look like in there, so prepare yourself for anything. We'll follow. We'll do our best to protect you." Joshua glanced at Apophos. The Fate's forehead beaded with sweat. "We must hurry." Joshua grabbed Dean by the shirt and nudged him toward Cass.

"How do I restore his strength?" Dean whispered to everyone and no one. He took a deep breath and turned to Joshua with pleading eyes. "Why am I the one you're recruiting for this?"

Joshua's expressive became passive and his voice softened. "You know why, Dean. And we don't know how you can help him, but you must figure it out. You must. I suspect you're the only one who can."

Dean nodded. He pivoted back to Cass and stared at his friend. Anger turned his face red. "Damn you, Cass," he whispered. "This is all your fault."

"One last thing, Dean."

Dean didn't turn. He barely listened.

Joshua spoke slowly. "There is Heaven and there is Hell. Your soul has visited both places. You know what they're like."

"Visited," Dean snorted. "Ha."

"But know this, Dean, souls go to Heaven and Hell, but there is also a heaven and a hell _within _each of God's creations. You could call it joy and depression. You could call it hope and hopelessness. You could call it safety and torture. No matter how you label the different parts of each of us, it all boils down to heaven and hell."

Dean blinked. Briefly he thought of Bobby and of Sam. He pictured their faces and smiled at them. And then he took a deep breath and held it like he was about to jump into a pool.

Dean walked forward and _into_ Castiel.

**To Be Continued**


	2. The Roads

**The Cost of Absolution  
><strong>PenPatronus  
>Chapter 2 of 4<br>**The Roads**

All was silence, all was darkness. There was no pull of gravity or taste of air. Dean was adrift, hovering in empty, timeless space. He wondered if this was what it felt like to be an astronaut.

He wasn't sure if he was there for five minutes or five years but gradually, a dirt road materialized beneath his feet. He could see it by the light of a tiny moon that had appeared above him. A cloud passed over the Man in the Moon's face like a blindfold and when it blew aside, the light revealed a wooden pole with wooden signs sticking out of it like branches on a tree. They were shaped like arrows and each pointed in a different direction down a different dirt road.

"Well, I'll be damned," Dean said aloud. He was reminded of the signpost in the TV show, "M*A*S*H."

There were seven signs written in black:

1) Home

2) Heaven

3) Hell

4) Family

5) Pie

6) The Future

7) The Past

"Well this is just too damn convenient," Dean muttered. "A road that leads to pie is just too good to be true." Dean stared at the sign that said "Family," then tried to ignore it. "If I were Cass, where would I be?" he wondered.

"Hello again, Dean," said a female voice.

Dean whirled around and saw an angel with red hair.

"Anna," Dean whispered. "You can't be here."

Anna's pale face wrinkled with a lonely smile. Her wide brown eyes were sad. "Yet, here I am," she said simply.

Dean backed up until he was against the signpost. "What are you doing here?"

Anna shrugged. "You'll have to ask Castiel to find out for sure but I think I'm here to help you."

"So, you're a clue?"

Anna cocked both her hip and her chin. "I doubt it's as black and white as that. The mind – human, angel or otherwise – is more complicated. I don't think you're here to find out that Mr. Body was killed by Anna in the drawing room with the knife."

Dean looked up at the signs. "Do you know where he is, Anna? Do you know where Cass is?"

Anna joined him and stared up at the signs as well. "I was hoping you did. I want to find him, too, that's why I'm talking to you."

"There isn't a yellow brick road for us, Scarecrow," Dean muttered. "We'll just have to choose a path and take it. God forbid Cass send up any flares or freaking smoke signals for us."

Anna chuckled. "Yeah, you'd think there'd be a compass or something."

The color of Anna's eyes changed for a fraction of a moment. If Dean hadn't been looking straight at her he would have missed it. For a quick second, Anna's eyes turned to demon-black. Dean reached for his gun and realized that he wasn't armed.

Almost-Anna let out a sigh when she saw the look on his face. "Damnit," she said, "I got too excited."

Dean put some more distance between himself and her. "Ok, not Anna. What are you?" he demanded. "Who are you?"

Anna gave a smile that reminded Dean of Cass' grin when the Leviathans possessed him. "I was hoping that you would make this simple, Dorothy. It would have been so much easier if you'd just led me to Castiel. You see, we want to find him too. He's hiding from us too."

"You're one of them," Dean whispered. "You're a Leviathan."

Anna changed her eyes to black and flipped her red hair over her shoulder. "One of many in one form of many."

Suddenly a dark shadow dropped from the sky and tackled Anna to the ground. Joshua punched her in the face and yelled, "Dean – run!"

Dean took off without even looking at the signs to see which way he was going. The moon continued to provide light even as the road curved into a forest before Dean emerged in Lisa's backyard and found himself watching… himself.

He stumbled and stopped. "What the hell?" he gasped between wheezing breaths.

He was raking leaves. He was alone in Lisa's backyard and he was raking leaves. Dean remembered that day. Lisa had left to take Ben and his friends out for ice cream after school and Dean had gone looking for a chore to keep himself busy and his mind occupied. Anything was better than sitting on the couch, drinking and thinking about Sam.

He felt a presence behind him and turned to see a figure in a trench coat standing there watching his past self. "Cass!" he cried. "Wow – I can't believe I found you already. Cass, what the hell is going on?"

Castiel said nothing. He didn't acknowledge Dean at all, even when the Winchester tried to kick him in the shin. "I guess you're not the Cass I'm looking for," Dean concluded. "Dude, were you stalking me while I lived at Lisa's? Is this a memory of yours or something?"

Although Castiel didn't speak, Dean was suddenly able to hear his thoughts. It was a voiceover, like narration. Past-Cass was in trouble. Rafael was going to destroy him and he was powerless against his older brother. He needed help and had naturally come to Dean for it. But when Castiel saw Dean in his new life, doing something un-supernatural like raking leaves, his heart melted. He decided that Dean had – for lack of a better phrase – paid his dues. He'd saved the world. He'd lost his brother. He deserved to rest, to be happy. Castiel wanted his friend to be safe because he had suffered so much already. Besides, Dean probably wouldn't be able to help anyways. What kind of advice could a mere human offer that could defeat an archangel?

Crowley entered the scene then. Future Dean watched as Cass moved as if to protect Past Dean from the demon. He watched Cass admit his helplessness, watched Crowley tempt him, and watched Cass make a between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place decision to do anything to keep Lucifer locked in the cage.

To keep Dean and the world safe from another Apocalypse.

**To Be Continued**


	3. Forks in the Roads

**The Cost of Absolution  
><strong>PenPatronus  
>Chapter 3 of 4<br>**Forks in the Roads**

"This is The Past," Dean whispered as he followed Crowley, who was giving Castiel a tour of Hell. "That's the road I'm on. I'm supposed to see this."

Suddenly Joshua limped out from behind the corner. One of his wings hung lifelessly from his shoulder and his lip was bleeding. "Dean!" he gasped. "I smote that Leviathan, but there are many more. Have you found Castiel yet?"

"Sort of." Dean pointed at the past Castiel but both he and Crowley were disappearing. Hell disappeared and Dean found himself back in the moonlit forest facing a fork in the road and a pair of signs.

Dean read the sign on the left, and then the right. "Well, Joshua, should I go to The Future or Home?" Mentally Dean flipped a coin and went left.

"I expected you would find Castiel by now," said the angel through clenched teeth as he limped along beside him. "You know him better than anyone. You're more his brother than any angel ever was. Surely you must have some idea where he would seek sanctuary in here?"

"Don't call me Shirley," Dean quipped.

The scene began to change. The road transformed into the future. Dean found himself standing on a cliff overlooking what appeared to be a crater from some massive meteor. His stomach clenched when he realized that it was shaped like a 6-toed footprint.

Dean gulped. "A Leviathan was here?" he asked, pointing at the print.

Joshua sighed. "A small one. I think this used to be Miami."

"I've watched a lot of movies. Aren't Leviathans supposed to be water monsters? Tentacles and suckers and such?"

"Many are," said Joshua. "Others have talons, wings, claws." There was awe in the angel's voice. "They're majestic, invincible. Their combined power is unmatched."

"Like the Power Rangers," Dean muttered. He heard admiration in Joshua's words. His instincts reacted. With all of his strength, Dean swung his leg up and kicked Joshua in the chest. Joshua's form flickered back into Anna's as he flew through the air but when the Leviathan landed, it looked like the male angel again. Before the creature could regroup, Dean jumped off the cliff.

Dean landed at another fork in the dirt road. The moon was low in the sky. Dawn was coming. Dean didn't need a countdown clock to know that sunrise was the likely deadline of The Fates' spell. He took a second to dwell on Sam's absence, then sprinted down the road on the left. Its sign said "Heaven."

He reached a green field with a blue, cloudless sky. In the distance stood a man flying a red kite. The scene seemed to be waiting for something, for someone.

Cass wasn't there. Dean could feel more Leviathans coming. He found the next road: "Hell."

He expected to see the fire and feel the heat and the iron chains. He had spent decades in Hell and knew it as well as he knew the Impala's engine.

A scene appeared with Castiel in it but again, it wasn't the Cass that Dean was looking for. The angel was on his knees in a graveyard. _The_ graveyard. The one where Sam had opened the door to Hell and jumped into it with Michael and Lucifer. It was raining and Cass was weeping. Lucifer, wearing Sam, and God, wearing Chuck, stood over Cass and told him again and again that there was nothing he could do. It was the Apocalypse. It was the end of the world.

Dean stepped closer and looked over Castiel's shoulder. The angel was kneeling over a body. Dean's body. Dean's dead body. Dean looked down at his own sightless eyes and felt his stomach bounce. Castiel's Hell wasn't fire and brimstone. It wasn't torture and physical pain.

Cass' hell was a combination of God's betrayal, Lucifer's triumph and Dean's death.

It was hypnotizing, watching Cass – his friend, his brother – mourning for him. He had only imagined that his mother and brother loved him that much. But Cass loved him. Cass loved him so much that he submitted to Crowley in order to keep Dean safe. Cass loved him so much that he rescued Sam from Hell. Cass loved him so much that he wanted to have the power from the Purgatory souls to protect the Winchesters.

Good intentions…

Dean stood there too long. The ground began to quake and Dean half-expected to hear a booming voice say "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum." He took off running again and when he came to the next fork he saw a creature with six wings flying across the sky. There were no angels pursuing it. They were dead.

Dean found himself speaking to Castiel, praying to him. "You're not in Hell," he whispered. "You're not in Heaven. You're not in the past or the future. You don't eat pie."

Dean craved pie just then. Coconut cream. He missed Sam.

"Where are you, Cass?" Dean whispered. "Where are you?"

As a second dragon-like creature flew overhead, looking for him, Dean ran down the road to the right. He heard growls like wolves on his heels and screeches like birds overhead. He ran and ran, right into the kitchen of his old house in Lawrence, Kansas. The road was "Family."

His mother was there. Mary Winchester. She was cutting the crust off of a peanut butter sandwich. A young boy sat at the table but it wasn't Sam or Dean. Mary poured out a glass of milk and set the drink and sandwich on the table.

"There you go, Cass," she said, "eat up, sweetie!" Mary kissed the boy's forehead, wiped her hands off on a towel and left the room.

Dean was pretty sure that the angel Castiel had never been a 7-year-old, let alone a human one. It was clearly him, though. The jaw line was the same, if a little bloated by baby fat. His brown hair and blue eyes were the perfect shades. He wore black pajama bottoms, a white shirt, black slippers and a robe that was the same color as the tan trench coat. Young Cass took a big bite of his sandwich, chewed it for a minute, then suddenly noticed that Dean was there. His eyes widened. He dropped the sandwich and knocked over the milk when he rolled off his seat and under the table.

"Cass?" Dean knelt on his haunches and saw Castiel hiding under his chair, curled up in a fetal position with his face in his hands. Dean lowered himself to the floor and crawled under the table until he was within arm's reach of the child. "Castiel?"

"Go away," the kid said in a quaking voice. "I've been bad. You don't like me anymore. We're not brothers."

**To Be Continued**


	4. No Place Like Home

**The Cost of Absolution  
><strong>PenPatronus  
>Chapter 4 of 4<br>**No Place Like Home**

Dean licked his lips and ran his fingers through his hair. "Castiel, listen to me. Joshua brought me here to – how the hell did he put it – help you restore your strength, Cass."

"He's mad at me too," Castiel sobbed. "My whole family is. My daddy doesn't talk to me and I hurt my other brothers and sisters. And Sam! Sam's mad at me, too. I – I did a really mean thing to him."

"Cass, the Leviathans are two shakes out. Put your big boy clothes on, grow up and help me!"

The child raised his tear-soaked face and looked ashamedly at Dean. "I'm so sorry. I made a mistake. I'm so sorry." More tears splashed across his cheeks. "I'm bad."

"Cass – "

Suddenly the front door began to shake. Something was pounding on it. The windows rattled. Dean crawled forward and wrapped Cass in his arms. The kid tried to scurry away from him but Dean held on tight.

"I want to die!" Cass sobbed. "I'm bad and I should die!"

"Cass, I need you! You're the only one who can fight the monsters!" Dean sat him up and shook him by the shoulders. "Think! _Think_! How do you get your strength back?"

"Go away! You won't forgive me! You don't even like me!"

"I do! I…" Dean looked into the boy's face and saw that his eyes were old. They were Castiel's true age. Suddenly he realized what he was supposed to learn from the roads he'd traveled. Suddenly he realized the true source of Castiel's strength.

"Cass, listen. I – "

Not only did the front door collapse, the entire wall did. Dozens of creatures that Dean could barely begin to describe surrounded the house, filled Lawrence. At the front of the pack, wearing a white suit with matching shoes, stood Death. Cass buried his face in his hands and wept even harder. Dean slowly crawled out from under the table and met Death when the Leviathan entered the kitchen. They stared at each other like boxers sizing up an enemy.

"I'll give you two choices," said the Leviathan. He held up his thumb and forefinger. "You can leave and live for another five minutes or you can die right now."

Dean looked at Cass, blinked, and then turned his back. The child was useless. "What's going to happen to him?"

Death chuckled. "When The Fates' spell expires, Castiel's vessel will explode into a thousand pieces and each piece will grow into a mighty Leviathan. Your world will be extinct in mere hours. You have no hope of survival." Death's eyes turned black.

Dean bowed his head. "How long until the spell ends?"

Death pretended to check an imaginary watch. "The sun will rise in under four minutes. We will rise with it."

Dean didn't look up from his shoes. "Four minutes. That's enough time to say goodbye, isn't it?"

Death rolled his eyes. "Fine. Have your last words with that cowardly weakling hiding under the table. Make them good because they're the last you'll ever speak."

Dean didn't answer. He returned to the table and stood Castiel on his feet. He kneeled so that he was looking up into the child's face. He didn't bother to wipe away the tears on his own face.

"I understand now," he whispered, "why you did what you did."

Castiel refused to meet his eyes.

"You told me it was complicated, but it's not. Everything you've done this past year you did selflessly. You had good intentions to protect me, protect Sam, and protect Heaven and earth. You know I wish that you would have done things differently, but I understand."

Castiel raised his blue eyes and looked at Dean, who put his arms on his shoulders.

"I saw. I saw that day when you watched me raking leaves and then talked to Crowley. I saw your worst nightmare – your version of Hell. Cass, you're my brother and I love you. Families love each other and… and they also always forgive."

An invisible switch was flipped at the word "forgive." Castiel grew like Alice in Wonderland: five feet in five seconds. His slippers morphed into shoes, his pajamas into a suit and his robe into a trench coat. A blue light, not unlike a bug zapper, radiated out from him and knocked the nearby Leviathans aside. Castiel looked down at Dean with tears still in his eyes.

"You really forgive me?" the adult Cass whispered.

Dean stood up and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I forgive you. Now let's get out of here."

The road appeared outside. The sign said "Home." The man and the angel started to run.

When Dean opened his eyes he found himself lying on his stomach in the lab. A moment later the spell broke and Apophos disappeared. Bobby stirred and blood dripped to the floor. The door to Purgatory was open.

Dean heard a heavy grunt, followed by a groan. Castiel was crawling towards the door, moving as if through quicksand with anvils latched to his ankles.

"Cass!" Dean helped Castiel to his feet, slung one arm across his shoulders and approached Purgatory.

The door was closing.

Dean shoved Cass in front of him, made sure he was steady, and stepped back to watch. Cass looked back at him briefly and Dean saw gratefulness in his eyes.

And then Castiel's chest unleashed a neon red energy that screamed as it was pushed through the door. Dean could actually see the outlines of teeth and claws and even Anna, Joshua and Death's silhouettes. Cass' back arched and he cried out in pain but then the light was gone with a final sparkle.

The Leviathans were back in Purgatory.

Cass' arms fell limply to his sides. He swayed dizzily for a moment and then tumbled forward toward the door. Dean launched himself, grabbed Cass by the shoulders and yanked him out of the way before the door to Purgatory sealed him inside. Both men tumbled backwards head over heels before landing on the floor.

Bobby stumbled over and helped Dean sit up. He was about to kick Castiel aside but the elder Winchester stopped him. Dean leaned over the angel and whispered his name. Cass looked deathly pale and he didn't respond to Dean's pleads.

"Not again!" Dean hiccupped.

"Dean what the – " Bobby began.

"In a minute," Dean snapped. He cupped Castiel's cheeks with both palms. "Cass," he whispered. "Cass, come on, it's all over. You're free, man, come on, wake up."

A whisper, barely an exhale, came from the angel. "I do not need food," he said, "but I would enjoy another peanut butter sandwich."

Dean closed his eyes and put his forehead Cass' chest. "I'll cut the crusts off for you," he chuckled. "Oh man… Hell of a week… Cass, I'm so proud of you."

Cass gently patted Dean's head. "Thank you," he said. Dean looked up and Castiel finally opened his eyes. "Thank you."

Dean shrugged. "Putting monsters in the ground. That's what I do."

"That is not what I am referring to." Cass wrapped his hand around Dean's wrist in a fragile hug. "I was weak because I was burdened by shame, by guilt. Your forgiveness meant everything."

Dean nodded. "I forgave you long before then," he whispered. "I just… I just didn't want to admit it. Part of me wanted to withhold forgiveness to punish you. I'm sorry."

Cass slowly sat up, then allowed Dean and Bobby to pull him to his feet. "I meant what I said before, Dean, about redeeming myself. I swear I'll make this up to you."

Dean nodded but said, "You should know better than anyone, Cass, that grace and forgiveness aren't earned. I think it says something about that in some chapter of some book in that Bible of yours."

"Then my actions will be to thank you," said Cass. "I'll do good because I'm thankful you forgave me, not to earn forgiveness by doing good."

Dean frowned. "Now you're just trying to confuse me." He wrapped his arm around Cass' shoulders and enjoyed the warm, glowing sensation of victory. "Come on, let's go find Sam."

**The End**


End file.
